Turned Off
I’ve been turned off to religion/church for a long time now. I’ve tried to see the point, but all I can see is the fact that I’ve been brain washed all my life. I’ve tried putting up the good front and I don’t think I can do it any more. Really, though, I believe in a supreme being, a creator, most of the time, but I just can’t handle going to church any more. There’s something about it that depresses the heck out of me. The songs, the cliches. These are all made by men. Does that mean that I am one of those people the bible talks about when it says those that are lost will never understand or believe. The politics of most of the people that I go to church with is so screwed up, I can’t stand it. They think the war in Iraq is right, that the president is a great president. Maybe part of it is that I lost my patriotism back during Viet Nam. This war is no better and the crap this country has done in Latin America is shameful. It’s like these people have blinders on or something. Just mention the Dixie Chicks around them, haha. Then I think, well, there must be a way for me to worship God , one on one, but I know what the Bible says about Church and how important it is, so , therein lies the quandry for me. I know that the people at church or Chistians are generally more wholesome, good, people, not doing things that hurt others or themselves and not going in for things that I find offensive or evil to use an overused word. Things or language that is crass or lude. Basically they are honest people, not liers, like so many people in the world in general. That is a good thing. So I say to myself , keep going to church because you would feel guilty if you didn’t go for a while. I don’t think that I will ever be able to be evangelical towards other people, when I’m not even sure about “church” for myself. I’m messed up because I’m even afraid to post this because I realize what will happen with family and all. I just keep thinking that God doesn’t want all that goofy stuff that goes on in church, that’s not how to worship him. All the arguments, the personality clashes, the cult like indoctrination at times. Traditional worship or contemporary, blah, blah. Legalism or Love or both. Science vs Religion sigh! Maybe it’s just the groups or churches that I’ve been in all my life, the church of Christ or the traditional CofC that is the problem. The earth is 8 thousand years old? Evolution is a myth? If you believe the bible literally , then the earth is that young i guess. that’s a problem too. It would be easier if I didn’t post this and just went on with the charade. If I am a believer, I’ve already been the sorriest example to my family that I could have been. I mean we never had home devotionals and all those other things you should do, I just never wanted to. When I was in church as a young kid, all I could think about during the service was motorcycles or how I couldn’t wait to get out of there and go play. I still feel that way. my bad, yes, i guess so. I’ll sure find out who is reading my blog or not.
2 Comments so far
Leave a reply
First I want to say that I have tremendous respect for your ability to overcome your fears and share your feelings about “church” with those of use that do check out your blog on a regular basis. I have struggled with similar feelings over the years, and believe that it is a good bet that God is disapointed in how people have messed up his original intent for “church”. Bottom line for me is that I am no longer hung up on the name of the church I attend or it’s affiliation (ie. CofC, Baptist, etc.), but I am more concerned with the heart of the congregation. What I mean by this is that outside of very few CORE beliefs (Jesus is the Son of God and died on the cross for our sins) we all read the Bible differently and have different views on the direction it gives us. I want to worship with a group that does not get stuck in a rut on how they worship God and serve others, one that allows people the freedom to express themselves and their emotions, and one that people with different political or social views can discuss their differences in love and not let it create a divide that gets in the way of worshiping God. Now that I have said this, I also want to say that I am not sure if a place like this actually exists on our planet. So what that means to me is that I cannot put my faith and hope in those that I worship with, I must focus on my relationship with Jesus, and trust in his glory and grace to overcome the human imperfections that we encounter every day. People will let you down, but Jesus will not, and some day we will be invited to participate in the ultimate worship experience in heaven. I can’t wait!
I thank you very much for your words and just remember I love you a lot.